I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
