my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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