Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
