I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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