Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
