I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
