When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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