Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize