So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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