thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
