haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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