why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
