16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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