i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
