remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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