I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
