No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
