This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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