Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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