Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
