just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
