You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
