it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
