come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
