Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
