I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
