I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
