fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
