mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
