Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im holly from the hills drunk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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