in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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