What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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