he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
