my phone needs a breathalizer
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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