Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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