So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
