When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
