I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize