I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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