I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
