about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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