My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
