I want to have your abortion
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm too high and old for this...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
