I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you