so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...