Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.