Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
