i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
