Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did i walk over a car last night?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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