new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
