ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
