call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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