I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
