I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Your tits are I can't wait for
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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