What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
