Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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