im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
