Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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