Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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