when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
