I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize