Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
