I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
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Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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